Healing & Breaking

Healing & Breaking….

I’ve been thinking a lot about what this means

To heal and to break

A few months ago I had a dream about my biological mother and my little sister. The dream was an actual memory of a situation that happened, and how it played out wasn’t good.

My mother introduced me to physical abuse at a very young age, and it’s not something you can just “forgive & forget.” There’s loads of unlearning that need untangling.

There are loads of lies that I believed about myself…that I was somehow damaged goods…that I didn’t deserve good things in my life….

I wish it was just as simple to drop the baggage ,and I believe I did at one point in time

Then it just kind of came back…

It took me a minute to actually understand that healing isn’t linear, it’s not about golden rainbows and happiness shooting out of your ass all the time.

That may be a part of the healing, but healing mostly looks like you laying on the floor and crying

And doing A LOT of that…

And writing, and crying some more…

A friend of mine told me that healing is messy and she was right

it’s so damn messy

Healing requires vulnerability and vulnerability is painful ,and breaking requires feeling your emotions and that is perfectly okay.

Allow yourself to break and give yourself some grace when breaking. Allow yourself to feel the things you’ve avoided feeling.

It’s okay to break, and it is okay to heal.


Social Media & Validation

What’s the biggest takeaway that I’ve learned when it comes to social media and validation?

I’ve learned that social media will never be able to fix me. It won’t bring me ultimate joy, and it definitely won’t validate me as a person.

For so long I’ve always struggled with seeking validation, how I would go about it would be very sneaky, I would put myself down or tell others my songs or poetry isn’t that good compared to others.

Another thing is I’ve posting A LOT as of late, like 3 to maybe 4 posts a day. This is currently something I’ve realized about me…well really I’ve noticed this for awhile just really didn’t want to admit to myself I actually might be an Instagram addict.

In short, my idol is Instagram…

No shocker there…

I think in my case I feel like I fall under the FOMO category, fear of missing out. I’ve had this really gnarly habit of checking Instagram whenever I’m bored, and when one is bored, dangerous habits can take form and then take over your life.

Someone I interact with on Instagram said that we need to be willing to check in with ourselves before going to the screens, and I too believe that as well, its a matter of putting that into practice that makes it hard.

I heard this song from a band called ‘The Boxer Rebellion’ they have a song called “Love Yourself” and social media isn’t gonna make us love ourselves any more or any less.

Yes social media can be a great thing, in moderation, but it can unfortunately be like a drug if we aren’t careful.